How Grandma's mags will help Brismod WIN! WIN! WIN!

When we visit the Land of Grandma, she often gives us magazines to take home.

Some are aimed at improving our general knowledge.

Some are just a good read,

 And, inexplicably, some are the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue.

A catalogue full of crap that makes you realise you don't have enough crap to make life easier.

I thought I'd take some inspiration from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue to help Brismod from Fun & VJs blog with her campaign to win the People's Choice category of the Best Australian Blog 2011 Competition. 

You can vote for Brismod here. Vote for her.

Sometimes election campaigning is a lonely gig.

Brismod may want to teach herself the joys of banjo plucking when she's feeling the strain. There's nothing like hearing the sounds of Tom Dooley and Two-Dollar Bill (I don't know those songs either. They're on the Banjo's accompanying DVD) wafting through the neighbourhood to rally votes.

Brismod may find her campaigning a bit smoother if she zips about on an Electric Personal Transporter which includes a headlight and horn (to accompany the banjo).

It won't hurt to spy on one's opponents, Brismod, and it's easier to have a video pen in your pocket than a camera man with a tripod.

If Brismod finds herself in a tight spot campaigning, she'd be lost without The Only COMPLETE Swiss Army Knife. 

It has 87 precision-engineered tools spanning 112 functions. 

But Brismod will need another Swiss Army knife to open the COMPLETE Swiss Army Knife.

I suspect there may be continued squabbling between Brismod's handy husband, Jason, and their builder, Mr Rooney, about whose toolbelt is ridgy-didge campaign-ready. 

So to satisfy everyone, the whole campaign team can have their own Holiday Decorator's Toolvest, with zippered storage compartments, and side-straps, and front-straps with locking clips and places to put things, and bits and pieces, and COMPLETE Swiss Army Knives hidden in there somewhere.

I know some dogs who have blogs, so Brismod won't want to ignore the Canine vote. Providing easy access to her in the form of a Pet Ramp/Staircase will ensure the puppies about the place will feel she is listening to their demands.

And if it rains on said puppies ... Brismod just needs to pop out the Dogbrella - described as an 'inverted bumbershoot' which 'forms a waterproof cocoon around a small dog enabling canine and master to maintain a walking regimen in inclement weather'. I couldn't say it any better.

Challenging electoral opponents to a televised debate is sooo yesterday.  Brismod should challenge all her blogging opponents to 'defy the wind' using only AN UMBRELLA!

And then, to the shock and surprise of the blogging community, Brismod pulls out her Wind Defying Umbrella, and, indeed, defies the wind!

Brismod has conceded that smooching up to children is a vote winner. Though attractive children aren't always at hand. Thus, Brismod would be well-advised to have, on her person to wave about when the need arises, The Woven Photographic Throw, which would feature her three gorgeous sons.

If Brismod was to use the above pictured 'throw', I would suggest she do just that: Throw.

Throw that thing. With its hideous-looking children. Away.

 

And follow the throwing with a few launched snowballs. Kapow!

Brismod can sharpen her reflexes with the tastefully named, 'IPong' Table Tennis Trainer which serves a steady stream of ping-pong balls for solo practice to fine tune one's game.

Who said IPong?

After a long day, banjo plucking, and wind defying, and generally rallying the votes, Brismod may want to sit down and kick off her shoes, and replace them with the Circulation Improving Leg Wraps. 

The leg wraps have six airbags. Just like a Volvo.

And if it the campaign goes all pear-shaped because of my suggestions, Brismod may want to hit the bottle. 

And pore the whole damn thing into the Full Bottle Wine Glass. 

I ask you, who has time to top-up anymore? 

 

And she can tell the police, in all honesty, "I only had one glass!"

But if all that fails, and Brismod doesn't win the Best Australian Blog Competition in the People's Choice category (which is highly unlikely) ...

She can just lean into The Gentle Motion Back Stretching Device and scream into the direction of the floor.

That's it. Big breaths, Brismod!

Now watch the whole thing on the TV News using your Magic Wand Remote Control which comes in a silk-lined box.

Magic campaign so far, Brismod. 

Vote for her here! Vote for her.