It's Child 4's first birthday soon.
I don't think you can get these anymore ... so it's not here
I need to think about it now, otherwise it'll be on me before I know it, and all hell'll break loose because I'm ill-prepared.
Look at some of the decorations I'm considering ...
As you do, imagine my dulcet tones issuing the following words of wisdom, which I've had the joy of bestowing, upon my offspring today.
For the centre of the table, maybe ... here
"Child 3, get your hands out of your pants!"
"Child 2, put the baby down."
Love paper straws ... here
"Child 1, can you watch Child 4 for a minute?"
"Child 3, you have to stop putting your hands in your pants."
This would be cute hanging from the ceiling ... here
"Can someone please check I shut the kitchen gate?"
"You're hoodlums! All of you."
I could probably make this myself if I had any skill and could be bothered ... here
"Are you sure you picked up all the Lego?"
"Can someone put the damn dog out?"
I think Child 4 deserves her own patty cake with candle, don't you ... here
"What was that noise?"
"Everyone. Come in here. I'm going to show you how to flush the toilet."
Four napkins for the four little piggies ... here
"What's that smell?"
"Turn the TV down."
Gosh! These are divine, but would be destroyed by the hoards ... here
"Bub! Bub! Bub! Bub! Num! Num! Num! Num!"
"I'm going to say this one more time ... Your father is going to hose your shoes when he comes home this evening!"
These could go on the cake, and distract people's attention from my poor attempt at baking ... here
"Hands! Child 3!"
This looks a bit like the birthday girl ... here
Good Grief! We dopplegangered ALL our maternal coos except my child 2 had pants hands, C 4 kept picking up an unwilling baby, C1 had to dress the baby and you can substitute all dog references with chicken ones including shoe poo. AND it was raining.
ReplyDeleteAnnie
Annie,
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of making a looped tape. With all these statements repeating every 40 minutes. That's because I say everything about 5 times a day. If I don't make the tape, can you come over for a day and give me a break? ... I'm thinking the kids won't know the difference.
Actually, here's a new threat which I might try:
"I'm going to go 'Mercy Nun' on you if you don't (eat your breakfast/stop pinching your sister/put your pants on) (substitute whatever they're doing/not doing).
What do you think?
I always thought a string in my back would be useful like Jessie's or Woody's. Then the people in my house could just pull the string when they feel the need for any response and the aforementioned looped tape of loopy ma would oblige with a "What did I come in here for?" or a " Where is the baby?" or "Is the front gate shut?" or my current favourite-"I am not a coffee table, I am a human being!" (They don't get it.)
ReplyDeleteAnnie
I'm laughing out loud! Well I remember those days and I only had two. I'm sure child 4 will get the birthday she deserves. Where's your husband hiding-still poo on the shoes?
ReplyDeleteAnnie,
ReplyDeleteyou're not a Isamu Noguchi coffee table are you? http://www.noguchi.org/cofftable.htm
If you are, you're my new best friend.
Deb,
poo shoes are where Child 2 left them ... he's in the Lady Macbeth trance as I type. The husband is choosing to ignore them. I may have to put them in hs undies drawer.