You know how I'm always picking things off the floor ... these Thomas the Tank Engine cards are the bane of my existence ...
And if Child 4 gets near them, she invariably starts consuming them ... I'm always fishing mushy bits of cardboard from the recesses of her mouthal cavity.
This morning I was having a mental conversation with myself as to why I'm always picking these damn things up, and then I heard a deep voice ...
"Throw them away, MMMC."
Cupcake Jesus!
"Cast them into the rubbish bin. They cause you nothing but grief!"
Cupcake Jesus!
"Cast them into the rubbish bin. They cause you nothing but grief!"
Then there was another voice ...
"Live Your Best Life, MMMC!"
Horsey!
"Yes," he whinnied, "I am jumping on the Oprah Winfrey bandwagon, and adopting her platitudes!"
In fact, I'm working on my own talk show now. Isn't that right, Wooden Dolly sidekick?"
"Some people say I look like Ms Winfrey!"
"Those cards are just trash," said another voice.
Gordon! Where've you been?
"Just doing my own thing ... I think you should get rid of those cards, once and for all. They're an incomplete set and they're only ever left on the floor."
"Yes," piped in Horsey, "Then we can get Oprah's friend, Nate Berkus, in to snazzy-up this joint."
"Just doing my own thing ... I think you should get rid of those cards, once and for all. They're an incomplete set and they're only ever left on the floor."
"Yes," piped in Horsey, "Then we can get Oprah's friend, Nate Berkus, in to snazzy-up this joint."
"I'm just beserkus for 'The Berkus'. He'd do wonders for your Feng Shui."
"I gotta dash," said Gordon.
"I'm on 'set in 20 ... and I'll dump those cards with you-know-who."
"I'm due on set too! Makeup! You've got to do something about this mane of mine"
Heed the voices. Toss the cards. And I will toss the jigsaw puzzle that is the bane of my life. xx
ReplyDeleteHow do you come up with this stuff?! I love that horse, "he'll give anything a go!" So toss those darn cards and live your best life. You should send this post to Oprah, I hear she's coming your way. Maybe you should keep the cards, we don't want child 4 to starve.
ReplyDeleteOh God. I had flashbacks to a similar inner-conversation I had when I realised the blocks didn't need to be at kid height, destroying the joint before breakfast. Didn't do it publicly though, and Gordon didn't participate.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you did yours for us all to witness!
Toss them now! And tie up the bag and put it in the wheelie bin so they don't get accidentally found and you'll have to explain yourself (been there, done that).
Brismod,
ReplyDeletethey be tossed!
Deb, I don't make up this stuff. This is what happens to me.
Anna,
I, too, have been caught before ... but blame it all on Noodle. And, therefore, have thus far, kept my unblemished record of never having thrown anything away.
Good girl on chucking them out. They are evil play things. I've just done something similar with the 200 felt tip pens without lids and half-chewed pieces of art. Very liberating. And what time is horsey on the box? I have a feeling his advice may well be worth listening too.
ReplyDeletePraise MMMC! I have seen the light! For 3 days in a row there has been a tossed salad of 5 jig saws on the floor. Each night I pack it away, each morning it's back like elve's shoes.
ReplyDeleteIt was okay before Onesy joined the entourage. I wish she would eat them but she just likes to stir them into a soupy blend on the rug. More sheltered workshop sorting for silly, sleep deprived mum. (self-inflicted.) Now I believe I shall move them to the Big High Cupboard from whence few toys return to tell the tale.
And it will be good...
Is 'this mane of mine' referring to the hair or Steadman- or would that be "The Mane I Love"?- ( I'm really so tired!)
ReplyDeleteCK,
ReplyDeletethose cards were evil! And it is liberating! I'll tell you when Horsey's Pilot Programme airs.
AA,
I also turfed some dodgy puzzles the other day ... I'm on fire!
And the wit! I don't follow Oprah (I jumped on her website this morning for some inspiration) ... did she air-brush Steadman ages ago?
Sleep is good for you, you know.
The Sacred Cupcake of Jesus - God you're funny. And so are you MMMC.
ReplyDeleteOMG you crack me up! I've had to email your link to both of my sisters - they'll be peeing their pants with laughter!
ReplyDeleteJust remember that first rule of mum club is
ReplyDeleteDont throw out things with observers
and the second rule is
You don't admit to have a good rubbish chuck.
Third rule
Is dont get caught.
I laughed so hard Fluffy came over to see if I was alright. Oprah Horsey - GENIUS!
ReplyDeleteM-L
I just fell over laughing at this! I can't cope. So many things to comment on. First of all - beware invoking Cupcake Jesus as the Pope is visiting us here just now. ( My calvanist husband snorts every time BBC News gives prime coverage to his holiness's progress.) Secondly ( and etc up to 100) - HORSEY! I love him and awaiting his Pilot Programme - hope it will be available in the UK? Don't know who Gordon is but he seems quite amusing. As I've remarked before I believe that Child 4 needs me. I have lots of old cardboard puzzles here that I could feed her.
ReplyDeleteMs E-M,
ReplyDeleteGordon is a vintage Fisher Price figure of the one-and-only Gordon from Sesame Street.
I've used him in some other gags before.
Child 4 is very clingy at the moment ... I think it must be related to her not feeling so well.
Don't know which link post to comment on, but thanks for reposting it, too funny!
ReplyDeleteGood ol' Cupcake Jesus. Where is hanging these days? And the Horsey one??? Do you have him on your desk in the Big House!?
ReplyDeleteHa. I've said it before - many a time. You are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI've just logged into my blog for the first time in ummm, nearly 4 months i think. So refreshing to get up to date on your blog. My stressful morning has just turned around.xo