Lenore Skenazy - author of 'Free Range Kids'. I just saw her on the 7:30 Report.
In fact, I was on the computer and I heard her talking and had to go to the couch, sit down and watch. I was transfixed.
Have I been living under a rock? This woman is an op-ed columnist with the New York Sun and Advertising Age, she has her own blog. I've never heard of her.
You know, what she proposes is how it should be!
Kids should be able to look after themselves and be responsible for themselves when they're playing or just living life.
You may all know this, but what she said was a slap-in-the-face for me. She said parents are now more nervous about their children because adults are audience to a wider media ... international and national news reports, often 24 hours a day, reporting the worst stories. And because of the worst stories, we think the worst will happen to our children.
Madeleine McCann is always in the back of my mind. I admit it.
But, I can remember getting on my bike as a child and riding off. I never told my parents where I was going. I always came back. I used to sit on the footpath for hours with my brothers watching the cars ... our house was not in sight. Our parents didn't come and check on us. We'd go down the road to visit our friends. Our parents were none-the-wiser.
I'd never let my children do that! But why shouldn't I? Why am I afraid of what might happen to my children if I let out the leash a bit?
I think I'd feel a whole lot less stressed if I just let them 'Go! Get outta my hair! Find some friends!'
Ms Skenazy said children should be given 'well thought-out freedom with training' ie they should be taught how to swim, taught how to cross the road and taught to be aware of dangers. But there's no reason why they should be molly-coddled or hovered over.
You may want to read this Huffington Post article and tell me what you think. I'd like to know. Really. Forget the previous Clown post. Actually, read the Clown post because it's funny and then put on your serious hat ... the tweed one, and get back to me.
I missed her on the telly tonight but I started reading her book a few months ago - I'm halfway through as her I tired a bit of her voice: gosh, some parents do this and have you heard about parents who do this - what silly heliparenting etc. BUT I have absolutely started to change the way I parent, just a different awareness. (And I will return to the book once baby starts, I don't know, not being a baby.) You know, how many of my own neuroses do I allow to influence how I raise my child. I like her focus on stats and the reality of actual danger. I keep that in mind now when I start to become anxious. An old man started chatting to Zig on the tram the other day - I was standing at a distance with the pram - and I took a couple of deep breaths and told myself it's ok, it's unlikely he's up to no good, then realised how ridiculous I was being. They were both enjoying a nice chat. Now - I'm off to read the clown post. Phew.
ReplyDeleteZigsma,
ReplyDeleteyou're up late. I might get her book. I'm 'going to town' tomorrow ... in both senses of the word.
Three-quarters of mine are probably too young to be sent to the shops on their own.
Tram story is nice. You may have made a lonely old man happy letting him have an innocent chat with Zig.
Did you read about the book swap? Thought you might be interested.
Hard one isnt it. I like what she says and yes I think we over parent and over analyse and over protect and I clearly recall going off alone or with friends many times as a kid to beach and parks or on public transport etc but wonder if I will be as free with my two. Totally agree about training kids to do things rather than babying. Whats that quote about if you give them everything with rounded edges??
ReplyDeleteThere is heaps of research about how our "safer" playgrounds are actually a_ super boring and b_ more dangerous in the end as kids are NOT TAUGHT TO ASSESS AND MANAGE RISK. Cant build resilience etc.
love the stats she quotes (not hers) about how many years or whatever it is that you would have to deliberately purposeefully leave your kids out on the street unmonitored for someone to come along and take them
The odds statistically are infinitesimal
And (hopefully) we all know the stats about sexual abuse more likely with a known family member known community member than stranger danger
But you know theres always that mummy thought of yeah but how awful to be that one in whatever that it DOES happen to
Tough one - one of the hardest things I find as a mum to balance that protection vs freedom stuff
Blogged about it ages ago (The Sky Is Falling) triggered by the fact my little girls class had chickens at school but had to don full apron and gloves to interact with them and couldnt understand this and commented that she couldnt touch their feathers etc. The stupidity and fear of some negative consequence/germs/kickback from stupid parents if their child dared touch a chook or get poo on them or something. Mad! Can find it here in a bit of a rambling post (much like this rambling comments sorry its late at night and I am non compist mentis
http://blogofmichele.blogspot.com/2010/05/sky-is-falling.html
Yes, thanks and I've signed up -just haven't posted about it yet. Great idea and I'm excited about what may come my way. And yes I am up late. Husbandido and son are away for a couple of days so enjoying the peace and quiet - planning on 'going to town' on sleeping in tomorrow. After 5.30 and 7.00 calls. Nigh nigh.
ReplyDeleteMichele,
ReplyDeleteyou're right ... your point about - yes but what if I'm the one in whatever it does happen to - that's my worry.
That chicken situation is ludicrous. Laughable really. I'll look at your post.
This is a quandry is it not? I remember back in mid century times I took the bus to town, rode my bike all over the place, roamed everywhere with not a care in the world. I think our kids really miss out on that. The only thing I was told was not to take candy from strangers!
ReplyDeleteLink to Huffington does not seem to work.
ReplyDeleteKotaatok,
ReplyDeleteI thinhk I fixed the link.
A few months ago my mother pulled up at the corner shop and instead of getting all three kids out of the car she sent my then 7 year old son into the shop, by himself, to buy a carton of Milk. He returned with the right carton of milk and the right change and a big smile on his face. When my mother casually mentioned it to me I was, after the initial shock, thrilled. I didn't know that he was capable to doing that. I didn't know he would want to do it. He loved it and still talks about it as if it was a grand adventure of Famous Five proportions.
ReplyDeleteLenore was fabulous last night and reminded me of my son's Milk Adventure. We should arm our children with the skills to deal with life and they will be more able to survive it and embrace it. See the fun, not just the danger.
Now, how to apply it daily without stressing and fretting and ending up on the front page of the newspaper ...
What a great thought provoking post. I must say I'm trying to raise my children relatively free range, (I refrain from saying feral, despite the fluoro paint that currently adorns many walls c/- Miss 2, saying otherwise). My husband and I have a favorite saying the 'world has gone mad' due to the crazy extremes of PC these days. A personal gripe I have is parent's intervening at every peep their children have when interacting with others. I was raised playing with others and learning to sort things out amongst ourselves, and unless it sounded like blood or broken bones were a problem, were left to our own devices. This whole "be nice Johnny", "gentle Johnny", "sharing nicely" really works on my nerves. YES, we're all actively teaching those things as Parent to child, but if they're playing with their peers, butt out I say!
ReplyDeleteI just got on my soap box... sorry.
I think she's on to something. We should all unwrap our kids from their suburban cottonwool.
ReplyDeleteCrazy isn't it! I remember reading in The Australia last year that if you place your child out on a busy road to be abducted, statistically speaking, it would take about 170,000 years to occur. I also remember the photo on the cover story - a young child, wearing a padded helmet with their entire body wrapped in bubble wrap!
ReplyDeleteI have always agreed with this....and then one of my sons 17 year olds sons friends was killed on the weekend having fun with his mates and it makes you stop and go....please stay near me where I know what you are doing...but life is for living I would give ANYTHING...I would chew off my own arm if my daughter could have one day of fun and freedom...she could catch the bus by herself, climb the highest tree and jump off my mum's house into her pool like her brothers...reader 3 is so right!!
ReplyDeleteOBH,
ReplyDeletethat's terrible about your son's friend. How tragic for his parents and family, and all his young pals. Reader 3 is a wise woman.
I bought the book today ... I hope it gives me some idea on how to equip my four with some nouse and strength to handle some situations themselves.
I like the idea of giving them the opportunity to create exciting childhood memories for themselves, without having me always pulling them back from potential dangers.